I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
