the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
