Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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