Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
