Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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