YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
