well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
