yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
