I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
4 words: hood of his car
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize