Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
