just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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