end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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