I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
