You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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