if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
