Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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