I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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