Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
