please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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