dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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