Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
