hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
