Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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