Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
