god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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