I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
