Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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