i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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