okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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