Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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