sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
