Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
