so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
