He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
