Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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