rhymes with "ouble enetration"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
