On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
