I only kidnapped one of them. chill
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize