I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
