dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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