Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
