so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
