I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
