he puts the penis in happiness.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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