She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
only you would photoshop your dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
