she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
