He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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