I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
