i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
