Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
