I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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