i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
