Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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