I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
