ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is wine microwaveable?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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