The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
