Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
