someone get that fucking seahorse.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
