And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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