listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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