i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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