batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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