I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
