I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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