So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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