he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
