I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
