She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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