I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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