I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His nipple licking is glorious
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